I dreamt everydays. Why do people have dreams? Some says that is because your IQ is higher, some says that is because the brain has 2 parts and the second part of your brain is functioning better. Or any other explanations, i dont really care.
But my best friend woke me up today and was on the phone for an hour, argueing about life. She dreamt that i was pregnant and no matter how she tried to tell me to abort it, i wouldnt. 2 weeks ago, that was exactly what I was thinking about. All i know is the baby is the production of love, that as long as you have love, you are baby ready.
I felt like I’ve just had a morning lecture. And i learnt from it.
I thought i was mature enough to think of having kids, of being a good this and a good that, that i am able to think about such kinda future too. But i realized I am so wrong. If i can live in the best life i could be in, I wouldnt be able to give it to my baby either. I have experience all the things I dont want to and i aint making my kids going through the same thing. And sooo much more.
I should be focusing on myself rather than having dreamy thoughts right now. And this is why i am blessed and proud to make such friendships to the real people, who would spend their specious time talking to you about life, getting you back on the right track.
I have never been myself completely around you.
Sometimes you know you are doing the wrong thing but you put the temporary hapiness first, well do think of the many years of sadness to follow.
Unless it is worth it.
It is too late for me. My heart has been through so much. Some searches for a peaceful rlts and succeeds, i dont mind going through the worst to enjoy a moment of the best. My heart is cold as ice and there is only one fire, one light to reach it. The light is getting dimmer and despite everything, im chasing it. I am so scared i might shut the light out completely but the thought of not reaching it before it is out is even more scary. So with all the wishes i have, i wish time passes faster until i reach it, and that i wont be destroying my only light, my only fire.
And that is going to light brighter.
I feel so broken.
After Sue had a deep thought about having her baby I wondered.
Why would you ever thought of having a baby? If you dont have someone that you love so much, i dont think you would have a baby.
Because the baby has to be the production of love, otherwise how do you protect him for 9 months and 10 days as one and then spend the rest of your life giving him all the best in the world?
Im confused about those young people having kids. That is so miserable. I cannot have kids with random people, and you are not supposed to abort anything, it is killing lives.
But right now i am not so scared of that thought. At all. It is just about the situation that i am in. I would have my baby made today, with the most powerful love, or at least that is what i thought. I would be so great at being a mom. And a wife. And a lover. And i could be anything in the world my loved one just have to name it.
But life is not that simple.
Hanoi my little town in summer.
- 1/4 part of me: I want to be cute and delicate and have a petite body.
- 1/4 part of me: I want to look smokin' hot and sexy in a bikini and have curves and a fuck you attitude
- 1/4 part of me: I don't even care man I can totally eat all of that cake watch me
- 1/4 part of me: I want to murder everyone and laugh as i bathe in their blood